Makunda Christian Leprosy and General Hospital is located in the Eastern parts of India, not far from the border of Bangladesh. It took over 20 years of dedication and commitment to a vision to bring it to life. Today it stands as a proud symbol of humanitarian ideology and self-sacrifice.
As you walk up the small hill you catch a glimpse of the hospital. It is surrounded by breathtaking nature, animals from all walks of life. As you step closer the sound of the Tok Toks and the vast number of patients make you feel right in the centre of a large city. The day has begun.
A surgeon’s mind and hand skills create a vision. A creation that is based on preparation, focus, attention to detail, anticipation and composure at all times. His or her ability to maintain clarity while clearing unexpected distractions is what dictates the outcome of the surgery. It decides the fate of our patients.
I found myself in the operating theatre once again. It had two operating tables, one anaesthetist, four scrub nurses, one surgeon, one obstetrician, one surgical intern and myself. We were ready for whatever decided to come our way. However, what I observed this morning challenged every aspect of myself as a future surgeon.
I was assisting a paediatric and general surgeon with a laparoscopic cholecystectomy. My job was to provide vision through a lens so that the surgeon is guided towards the operating field. Suddenly the door opened and an emergency caesarean was in process. The mother received a spinal anaesthetic while the junior intern scrubbed for his surgery. As surgical assistants know, our task is to ensure that the entire surgery goes according to plan, requiring focus on multiple areas. My focus was on holding the camera and I could catch glimpses of what was happening across the room from me. The uterus was incised and every attempt was made to remove the baby. The baby was large in size and special techniques were used to bring him or her safely into the world. But once that was successful the outcome shocked me. To my great disbelief the baby was stillborn.
The surgeons never allowed the circumstances to cloud their judgement, to achieve the promised goal. So when mistakes occur beyond our anticipation and beyond our ability to deal with them, it leaves a state of loss of control and feelings of failure for not being able to help our patients.
That day we continued to perform operations, assist the surgeons and taking care of our patients. At the end of the day we briefly stated how deeply affected we were by the stillbirth and continued our way home. For centuries it had been expected to simply deal with it, clear it from our minds and move on mostly because there was no time for de-briefing. There were numerous patients waiting to be seen.
That day made me realise how important it is for doctors and nurses to acknowledge their emotional experiences and allow themselves the time to process to recognise how the moment could serve them in the future. I spent three days going over the stillbirth, analysing my emotions, reflecting on every detail. Although it was one of the most difficult experiences of my life, at the end I felt that I had become emotionally stronger, more empathetic and a better doctor than I had been three days prior to that.
Now I give advice to my younger colleagues to talk about a stressful experience to me, to their supervisors and to their friends. As we spend a significant portion of our lives in the hospitals we too need to be able to learn from our experiences and our patients. It helps us develop into an empathetic leader, a better friend, an understanding partner, simply a more mature form of our current selves.
I leave you with the encouragement to take time to reflect on moments that move you whether it’d be emotionally or psychologically. These reflection are an important part of life and self-growth and will create a better you.
Until next week.